Conflicting Social Roles

To work, or not to work, that is the question.

As I awakened today, a startling pain was found deep in my stomach. Today was supposed to be a day that I would go to my job, work, and return home to do more work. The social role of being a full-time college student, and a full time employee is fantastically difficult. I needed to attend my job this morning to earn money, on the other hand, I really could use a day at home to catch up on my studies and health. Something eventually has to give in this scenario.

The decision was made to stay home, after much deliberation. Today will be a day where my social role as a student, and currently unhealthy human being, won the fight. Today will be a day to recover from a crippling stomach virus, and study for exams. No money will be made today, and I must say this bothers me. As a man born and raised on the American dream, it is my duty and privilege to make some sort of income each and every day. Today will not be one of those days.

Understanding that the adage, "if you don't have your health, you don't have anything" is correct, my decision has been made.

Teaching The Unteachable

This is my first attempt at creating a blog, hopefully all will go well. I am mostly starting this because of the massive amount of thoughts I find floating around in my mind, many of which I just need to get out and place on... well paper. 

I have been reflecting a lot recently a lot about where I am currently at in my life. I have been home from an LDS mission for almost six months! Wow I cannot believe it has been that long! I truly feel that I am making good decisions and am trying to become a better person. I look at the picture to the right and memories come flooding back into my memory. My mission was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. It is also the accomplishment of which I am most proud. I remember very well the day that my companion and I were walking and saw that drunk man. I remember feeling bad for him, wishing that I could wake him and teach him the Gospel, however I could not. It's hard to teach people who don't want to listen. I think of my own life, as good and bad as it is. How often am I like that intoxicated man on the bench? How often are people trying to give me advice, waiting for me to listen, and I simply won't make the effort to listen? I hope the answer to those two questions is not very often. 

I am finding that life is a difficult, complicated thing. I am also finding that deep within the difficulty and complication is where the deepest beauty and satisfaction can be found. My deepest fear is not achieving my full potential. I know that I can be great, a leader, a world changer, force for good, and that it all depends on me. Life will continue to move forward, this is a logical, inevitable fact. It is my hope that I will be part of that moving forward, that I will always challenge myself and not be afraid to try new things. I have blessed by my Heavenly Father with an abundance of wisdom. I am not concerned with achieving the ability to buy myself a mansion, nor do I have the desire make myself better than others. I only want to have a family and give all of myself to that family. I only want to study because I know that after this life I can take my knowledge with me. It is difficult at times to not get caught up in the vain things of the world, money, cars, success, fame. It takes much more intelligence and wisdom to be able to step back, to zoom out and see the big picture. 

I don't ever want to find myself in the position of that drunken man. I want to always be the one sitting by his side, ready to lend a hand. I feel that these desires I have are righteous enough and that I will be blessed to achieve them. The most interesting, boring, scary, thrilling, part about it....... it all depends on me.